Why do I stay in an Abusive Relationship?

You may know a relative, friend, or acquaintance currently in an abusive relationship. Have you ever wondered why they didn't just leave their abusive partner?

Perhaps, you were once in an abusive relationship and are now trying to make sense of and understand why you stayed in the relationship for so long.

In this blog, I will discuss why people stay in relationships even when they are abusive and toxic.

1.      You think it's normal.

Our early childhood experiences with caregivers often serve as a blueprint for how relationships work. We often use these interactions with our caregivers as a basis for how others should treat us.

For example, if a child grows up with parents who name-call and yell at each other, they may think that it's normal when others treat them this way because that is all they know. It can be challenging to spot abuse when you are exposed.

2.      You don't believe you deserve any better.

Most abusers in an abusive relationship are men, but that's not to say that women can't be abusers too.

What you see in the majority of cases is that the victim has low self-esteem. It's easy to stay in that mentality of this-is- as-good-as-it's-going-to-get when you have an abuser constantly breaking down your sense of self-worth, the very nature of who you are.

Having low self-esteem creates a barrier for the victim to seeing themselves in a positive light.

3.   You blame yourself for their behavior.

Abusers attempt to maintain power and control in the relationship through various tactics such as gas-lighting, which causes the victims' judgment to become clouded.

Abusers are great at shifting the blame onto their victims and not taking responsibility for their behaviors. Abusers utilize the victim's desperation to make the relationship work as an upper hand to continue controlling and oppressing her.

4.      You're afraid of being alone.

You've probably invested a lot in the relationship that it's hard to imagine starting all over again.

Your identity wraps around them. If you live together and share expenses, you might wonder if you can be financially independent. When something is familiar, it instills a sense of safety, even if it's unhealthy.

5.      You believe they could change.

The reality is that a tiny percentage of abusers that seek professional help such as individual therapy, domestic violence classes, or group therapy ever change.

When couples seek counseling, they often want the therapist to fix their partner. The thing is that the only person that you have full access to and influence over is yourself. You cannot control how other people choose to interact with you, but you can control how you respond to them.

It's understandable if any of this sounded familiar. The truth is we've all come into contact with a person or people who weren't the healthiest, and it showed in how they treated you and others.

You don't have to allow those experiences to rob you of entering and maintaining healthy, enriching, fulfilling relationships. If you are ready to begin working on your inner healing, I'd love to partner with you! You can schedule your free consultation here. Schedule a Consult Call — Revive Life Counseling

Carmen Montenegro-Sis